hi to all www.straightpartnersanonymous.co.ukers this is my first post and thought i would say hello to you all -
thank yous speak soon
garry
From:
joanne
(Wed 5th Oct 2011 at 20:20)
Thanks for that jan, very sorry you are in a similiar situation. I intend to get straight on with my life and use the anger as energy to get things done for me and mine for a positive outcome. This will not include my partner, as i seem to be taking a different route to other people, the way of forgiveness, not for me this time as i forgave him enough for his other faults. I am in the middle of a house move, i look after my family and he thinks he is comimg with us, on the basis i beleive his ridiculous lies/excuses, i have other plans nearer the house move and that will be my bombshell to him, some may call it a sort of revenge, i prefer
to call just deserts. I am in a much better place in myself (although many would disagree reading this)but i really am and this site has been a great help. I really hope things work out well for you,and i hope the people we once loved can be true to theirselves, for the sake of others.And you are quite right, he is a complete jerk. I wish you luck for your future.
From:
Jan
(Fri 23rd Sep 2011 at 18:08)
Hi joanne
Just to say ...You have every right to feel you dont wish to have any contact with him, but who knows what you will feel like at the end of this, im in the same process but thankfully without children to this man and i don't think about having contact with him after the final split would be good for me as i have had a bad time too and don't wish to be used by my man as a emotional support back up kit for the days he has problems with his boyfriends etc that just makes me feel sick to be honest with you.
Hopefully you will feel liberated and free from this mans grasp soon and you have a good life filled with good decent people, By the way it sounds like he was a total jerk and wanted to chase everything in a skirt and jeans.
From:
joanne
(Fri 12th Aug 2011 at 15:50)
Reading through the experiences I can honestly nod my head to nearly all of the bad stuff mentioned,Including all the sexual screening which is so stressful.My partner denied the lot,denied being bi and or gay, there was so much I discovered (Accidentally at first, then deliberate detective work)it was mind blowing, two years worth of internet sex sites, men and women all very explicit, ill never know if he acted on any of it, but it read that he did, arrangements for meet ups and so on, ill probably never know everything. As I said complete denial,blamed depression, took tablets, threatened suicide, professed undying love for me. However I know it would still be going on, had he not been discovered, as he thought I could never use a computer (I'm a technophobe and dyslexic)Indeed it did carry on on the net after I found out about an attempted affair at his place of work,with a woman, which he made so many excuses for it was pathetic but we decided to give our 12yr relationship another try, but I found out about his internet activities not long after, he had another secret life and when that was discovered, well then I admit for a short while I put him to the test, to see if he meant making good with us, he didn't, he just carried on with his deceit.When I did confront him, came the huge denials.
Nearly everyone is so nice about their ex:s but I pose a question to you all, I would appreciate opinions on it.
When I first met my partner I didn't disguise myself as a bi/gay, didn't frequent bi/gay clubs, websites,dating etc. to find a perfect partner,then 12years and two children later drop a bombshell at my bi/gay partners feet, destroy his world with sexual conversations/actions but to straight people only!TABLES TURNED! No,I think most people have worked out who they are and what they like at quite an early
age. The explanation to all this is society still has its hang ups about the gay community, I think this cake can be over egged at times, it seems that straight people can be hurt and deceived (for years) our lives can be made a sham of, lied to, self esteem shattered and left clinging to the wreckage,trying to make sense of what happened and left holding the baby, literally.Then we have to be nice and sympathetic to our so called loving partners who may have took over 30years to work out their sexual needs.
Well not me, I think I've tried in my life to be a good and loving, honest person,not perfect but trying to do my best by my loved ones/friends, in my current situation I'm so angry I hardly recognise myself, I shall fight for my life back but I do not intend to be friends with him once I've moved away,neither shall I be quiet about it, if family or friends ask I shall be honest, I've nothing to hide or be ashamed of.He is an adult, he made the mess, he can clear it up, I'm gonna get on with life. Please note I have known some very nice honest gay and bi folks who I class as friends. I hope my rant wont put off others opinion on THE TABLES TURNED theory.
From:
Janice
(Fri 8th Jul 2011 at 22:54)
Hi Greg,
This is a terrible situation that you describe, made all the worse because the law doesn't acknowledge your pain. I know your pain because I was there. At a time when I was desperate for the truth, the law denied me that. I don't know of any campaign as such to change the law and I think it would take a brave politician to do whatever they have to do to change the law. There wouldn't be a big vote winner, would it? I did write to my MP, David Tredinneck, several years ago and received a completely inadequate reply. All he said was that the law doesn't recognise a gay affair as adultery. It left me feeling slightly regretful about writing in the first place.
From:
zebidy
(Thu 7th Jul 2011 at 09:48)
does anyone know of a campaign to have homosexual affairs recognised as adultery in the eyes of the UK Law?
I would very much like to support its cause
From:
zebidy
(Thu 7th Jul 2011 at 09:39)
I have been married to my wife for 17 years. Throughout our entire relationship our sex life has been difficult, she was never able to discuss her issues with me.
In June of this year she moved out after admitting to me she has been having an affair with a lesbian friend from work "and the sex was great". Initially I was willing to forgive her, but we had to discuss and work on OUR sexual relationship, she told me she thinks she is gay as "the sex felt so natural" i felt like she had plunged me into the deepest darkest pit imaginable. My world has crumbled around me. She does visit our sons almost everyday, but has cut off any emotional ties to me, if i get upset (my life has been a daily struggle to be strong for the boys) she tells me to "move on, get over it". Its only been two weeks since she moved out.
But taking her advice to "move on" I visited a solicitor to discuss the options on divorce, in the eyes of the law she has not committed adultery (it has to be a partner of the opposite sex) thus she has more grounds to "take me for every penny" dispite the fact she left the marital home and her children.
My feelings toward her have now changed, I have utter contempt for her, she has destroyed our family and still has not told our sons the truth why she has left and could potentially force us out of our home.
I have a strong network of friends and a family that support me, but i am finding it hard to deal with everything, especially her complete lack of emotion towards me, she changed at the flick of a switch, literally.
From:
Happy again
(Wed 11th May 2011 at 21:30)
I found that my wife had a thing for women a couple of years after we first met and she went with 3-4 women (and told me about it) during the few years we were married but I accepted this as something she needed to do. Last year things got worse and she started hanging around more with some of our male gay friends and going out to gay clubs etc.
It got to the point at the beginning of this year where she decided she no longer wanted to be with me or our children but to be off in a different area living a life she felt more confortable in and she's now left home.
I'm totally comfortable with this as we always said that if one of us ever felt unhappy we should do something about it and we were both becoming unhappy with the way things were progressing as a result of her behaviour. It was also affecting our relationship with our children which was when we decided we needed to do something about it.
We're still friends although she has no job and little money so isn't providing any financial support for me or the children at the moment which is becoming a burden but i can work with friends and family to overcome that in the short term until i get proper advice.
What galls me though is the fact that she is off with any other woman that she wants to be doing all manner of things which I can do nothing about yet if I were lucky enough to find a new partner, she could have me for adultery.
I agree totally with the other person on this page who said that the laws need to be reviewed the the 21st Century and it should be considered adulterous if a partner goes off with someone else regardless of what sex they are. Why should I be the one persecuted for not having done anything wrong in the first place whilst she gets all the fun that she wants?
Just seems so wrong in this day and age.
From:
anon
(Sat 26th Mar 2011 at 09:52)
Just starting out on this unlooked for journey. Hoping to keep things friendly. Like the previous person I feel outraged that the law does not yet recognise same sex relationships outside marriage or CP as adultery despite now recognisign Civil Partnerships - surely this is an area that MUST change for the 21stC? I am not looking for divorce at present butI can see no logical reason why I should be denied the normal recourse to citing adultery - I have been faithful throughout my marriage and my husband has not, he admits it - simple as that -the sex of the person he was adulterous with should be immaterial in law.
From:
anonymous
(Fri 4th Mar 2011 at 18:55)
I have just found this website. Thank you thank you, I survived thanks to a book "My husband is Gay" I am now divorced and on good terms with my ex as are our children. I am fascinated to learn that a same sex affair is not considered adultery under UKlaw. Even 6 years after discovering the truth there are so many issues that still arise, that are different from a normal divorce
From:
Anonymous
(Mon 24th Jan 2011 at 03:54)
Im intersted in this program.I was married to someone that played games for 17 years and she turned out being bi. I have alot of questions. Through this experince my eyes have been opened and I have a lot of questions.and maybe I can help others with somethings I learned about the game.
From:
Frappy
(Sun 14th Mar 2010 at 00:05)
Thanks for all of your hard work!
Hugs,
Frappy
From:
Lisa
(Sun 26th Apr 2009 at 00:13)
I am moved to comment on this incredibly informative and helpful website. Congratulations on the no nonsense, yet sensitive treatment of an issue that affects many lives, including mine. I found this website to be incredibly useful and affirming.
From:
Lynn
(Fri 20th Mar 2009 at 16:37)
Wow! What an amazing website.
When I found myself in this situation, and got out of it six years ago I was at a loss for where to find resources in the small Canadian town I lived in. Fortunately I found Bonnie Kaye on-line and now through her have found your site. Thank heavens for the web!
Your website is fantastic, well organized,and plain speaking. Kudos to you!
As I sit here on the West Coast of BC, Canada I marvel at hearing stories so similar to mine halfway across the world!
Keep up the VERY much needed good work,
Lynn
From:
Rob
(Tue 10th Feb 2009 at 01:48)
Hello, Thanks for running this site, when I can I hope that My Wife may benefit from speaking with you and your members. She is not ready to talk yet but soon I hope. Thanks Rob
From:
Vicky Goring
(Fri 6th Feb 2009 at 10:49)
At last a much needed and valuable resource for straight people involved in mixed orientation relationships. I wish you every success for the future and hope that we may be able to work together in order to widen our areas of support.
Bravo on forming this group, and reaching out to folks globally that have been confronted by a crisis such as this, for only through vulnerability and open sharing, can we process our healing!