Straight Partners Anonymous

About Straight Partners Anonymous

What is Straight Partners Anonymous?
Straight Partners Anonymous (SPA) is a UK-based support group and online chat forum for straight people whose partner is gay, lesbian or bisexual. The chat forum is hosted by Yahoo Groups and you will need to register with Yahoo, which is free.

Although SPA's primary purpose is to support straight people, their gay, lesbian, or bisexual partner may find that coming out is easier for them, knowing that their partner is supported.


A new service for the UK
When SPA was set-up in December 2008, there was only one UK-based online support forum for straight people and no face-to-face groups. SPA is a new way for straight people to help and support each other  whether they're divorced, separated, if want to continue their relationship, or if their partner is in deep denial. Some SPA members will be just starting their journey, whereas others have been on the journey for many years.

The group was founded by Janice who personally experienced the pain and devastation when her ex-husband came out in 2001. In December 2008 she became fed-up with complaining about the lack of support in the UK, and  decided to do something about it. That's when she had the idea of a face-to-face support group. The chat forum soon followed.

Coming out of the closet
Sometimes straight partners are forced into the closet that their partner has recently vacated because the issue of gay/straight relationships is unacknowledged.   They don't know where to find help,  they feel ashamed or embarrassed, or personal circumstances make searching for help difficult. It's time for straight partners to come out of the closet too and access the support they often need to rebuild their lives and face the future. SPA offers the practical help they'll need.

International links
Knowing it's important to get the word out quickly and effectively, Janice initially contacted Bonnie Kaye in the USA. Bonnie has personal and professional experience in this area; in addition to writing several books on the topic, she emails a monthly newsletter.  She's also internationally acknowledged as an expert in the field. Bonnie agreed to include Janice's plea for women in the UK to contact her. Two women did just that, and SPA was born in January 2009.


Thanks Bonnie for your support! You can access her website here.

The Straight Spouse Network (SSN) also refers straight people in the UK to Janice.
The SSN is an international organisation that provides personal, confidential support and information to straight people and their gay, lesbian or bisexual partners to help them to resolve constructively the issues that arise when coming out. You can access the SSN website here.

Our services
In addition to the website, SPA offers a face-to-face support group for straight partners as well as an online support group. Please contact Janice for information. Both services are free.

If you're gay, lesbian, or bisexual and you have a straight partner, please tell them about SPA.

Confidentiality
Our bywords are confidentiality, privacy, and respect. These are so important especially if you feel unable to discuss your problems openly. SPA members aren't expert in the field, nor are we trained counselors but we have all experienced similar feelings of devastation and loss.

Furthermore, gay bashing isn't tolerated because homophobia is one of the reasons why gay, lesbian, and bisexual people try to live as straight people in the first place. By offering support to straight partners, SPA is working to bring about a change in attitudes towards gay , lesbian, and bisexual people too.

Common issues
Each SPA member's experience and personal circumstances are different but we all share some common issues:
  • A sense of betrayal and utter devastation
  • Anger
  • Self-blame
  • Anxiety and fear about the future
  • Worries about the children of whatever age and how or what to tell them
  • How to deal with family and friends
  • The need to protect ourselves from other people's ignorance and homophobia
To name but a few.




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